I divide people.

I used to think you could pretty much divide people into two categories: those who believe in love at first sight and those who don't.

I was a proud member of the second category. I used to think you fell in love with your brain. . . . Um, let me rephrase. I used to think your brain was in use when you fell in love. You sort of decided it over time, like I did with a girl. I saw her, I thought , man, this girl is nothing but pain, misery, and trouble. And in this case my brain was totally right. But in spite of my brain cooperation, I've fallen in love with her.

Then I moved away and met another girl. And my brain has said, that girl is beautiful. I talked to her, I thought, yeah, and she's smart and funny, too. I spent some time and thought, hey, we actually have interest at a lot of different stuffs. Oh well, that's the fun of it. After that, as far as my brain and I concerned, we were in love. :)

It happened the first time I ever saw her. It was like a clap of thunder, a bolt of lightning, a monsoon, all those metaphors I never actually believed before (although there actually was a monsoon going on at the time). There are no bad reason for me to love her. There are only good reasons~ There was once in a period of time when I struggle to release myself from it. Try to convince myself that it will go away.

So anyway, I guess my brain is stickin' with the second category, claiming that no, there is no such thing love at first sight. My heart has betrayed it in favor of the first category, arguing, yes, absolutely, it's the only kind of love there is. And now my brain and my heart aren't even on speaking terms anymore. When I said "divide people", that wasn't I had in mind.

I told a good friend of mine about this theory, and he told me he also had a theory for how to divide people: those who divide people into two and those who don't. Well, surprise surprise.

"Why are you like this?"

That is a question I've heard from a lot of adults in my life. Some of them related to me, some not. If they don't ask it outright, I see the question in their eyes. And I'm not being paranoid. Trust me.
"..like this?" in my case means loud, impulsive, messed up, combative, undisciplined, annoying. Other stuff, too.
The reason the question gets asked so often, with such impatience, is because there's no easy explaining when it comes to me.
I come from a nice family. Two parents, not one. We're not too rich, not too poor. We're well educated. Or I should say, they're well educated. They pay lots of attention to me. Read me books when I was little. They made me drink my milk. It's really not their fault.
I have two nice sister and brother. They both are excellent in their studies. Growing up, I always teased them and beat them up to normal amount.
And the big question again, why am I like this?
I don't know. Some people have a lot of space between thinking and saying or thinking and doing. I don't have any. Some people look at themselves from the outside and try really hard to make what they see look good. I stay on the inside. I rather feel good than seem it.
Sometimes I love that about myself. Sometimes I hate it.
Why am I like this?
I don't know. I have couples of theories, though.