anthologue analogue

I divide people.

2009-08-29T00:41:00.000-07:00

I used to think you could pretty much divide people into two categories: those who believe in love at first sight and those who don't.

I was a proud member of the second category. I used to think you fell in love with your brain. . . . Um, let me rephrase. I used to think your brain was in use when you fell in love. You sort of decided it over time, like I did with a girl. I saw her, I thought , man, this girl is nothing but pain, misery, and trouble. And in this case my brain was totally right. But in spite of my brain cooperation, I've fallen in love with her.

Then I moved away and met another girl. And my brain has said, that girl is beautiful. I talked to her, I thought, yeah, and she's smart and funny, too. I spent some time and thought, hey, we actually have interest at a lot of different stuffs. Oh well, that's the fun of it. After that, as far as my brain and I concerned, we were in love. :)

It happened the first time I ever saw her. It was like a clap of thunder, a bolt of lightning, a monsoon, all those metaphors I never actually believed before (although there actually was a monsoon going on at the time). There are no bad reason for me to love her. There are only good reasons~ There was once in a period of time when I struggle to release myself from it. Try to convince myself that it will go away.

So anyway, I guess my brain is stickin' with the second category, claiming that no, there is no such thing love at first sight. My heart has betrayed it in favor of the first category, arguing, yes, absolutely, it's the only kind of love there is. And now my brain and my heart aren't even on speaking terms anymore. When I said "divide people", that wasn't I had in mind.

I told a good friend of mine about this theory, and he told me he also had a theory for how to divide people: those who divide people into two and those who don't. Well, surprise surprise.

"Why are you like this?"

2009-08-26T03:23:00.000-07:00

That is a question I've heard from a lot of adults in my life. Some of them related to me, some not. If they don't ask it outright, I see the question in their eyes. And I'm not being paranoid. Trust me.
"..like this?" in my case means loud, impulsive, messed up, combative, undisciplined, annoying. Other stuff, too.
The reason the question gets asked so often, with such impatience, is because there's no easy explaining when it comes to me.
I come from a nice family. Two parents, not one. We're not too rich, not too poor. We're well educated. Or I should say, they're well educated. They pay lots of attention to me. Read me books when I was little. They made me drink my milk. It's really not their fault.
I have two nice sister and brother. They both are excellent in their studies. Growing up, I always teased them and beat them up to normal amount.
And the big question again, why am I like this?
I don't know. Some people have a lot of space between thinking and saying or thinking and doing. I don't have any. Some people look at themselves from the outside and try really hard to make what they see look good. I stay on the inside. I rather feel good than seem it.
Sometimes I love that about myself. Sometimes I hate it.
Why am I like this?
I don't know. I have couples of theories, though.

Second Sem Strokes

2009-07-16T03:33:00.000-07:00

My first day of the second semester in MJSC Pengkalan Chepa had made me thinks "Could this be the great oppurtunity to change myself to a better person,or just probably another great escape to the outside excitement?"

I have met different types of people since the day I arrived. I can't believe what they have achieved and I don't know even what I have accomplished all this years.They're all smart in different ways. I can say that there are four types of smart students here; smart and quiet,smart and loud,smart and badass,and...smart and stupid. I think I belonged to the last one,alone. Ahaha. That doesn't matter anyway. They don't quite give a hell to anyone. Somehow,that pleased me in someway. Hmm :)

Living in the old college seems fine to me so far. For the first time,I'm not interested in having relationship with anyone. One is more than enough for me. It looks like the only affair I have made so far is just with my books. That is just because I have slept with them countless time. Heh. It seems that I have learnt quite a lot in my first semester. And I sometimes surprised with myself how I also learn to have "extreme dislike" to some teachers as well as loved them. Sigh.

My first five months at PC gave me the chance to get to know some screw-loose friends. I have to say,they are the geniuses when doing stupid,very stupid things. One night,we "flew" together over the wall that seperated us from the outside world. But our "flight" was a failure due to a stupid "pilot" who crewed us. It caused us our records - piece of faeces!

I have come into contact with wonderful and terrible events. But one thing I learn,we just have to appreciate and enjoy what we got now. We can't turn back time to take pleasure from what we have missed. Also we can't speed up time to escape from our problems and miseries. All we gotta do just take the past as guide for today and tomorrow. Enjoy today because we will not know what tomorrow brings,even when we are falling apart.. (Where the hell this comes from?!)

2Day

2009-03-16T03:05:00.000-07:00

12th March

I am back home with a great deal of feeling this holiday
Homework, college’s programmes, myself, “she”…
I don’t know which one should I put first
With no going back, I decided to ease it by sleeping…
Haha~ what a trouble-free verdict it was..
After waking up from my Fantasyland,
I think I’ll do all in the same time..
How I’m gonna did it, how should I know -_-”

15th March

Hanging out with my friends today
Celebrating Zaryfah’s birthday
Today, I had witnessed how women with money
Calculating with tenacity
Today, I had witnessed women with karaoke
It’s kinda scary…lalala

Btw, “she’s” a beauty!
How the hell I’m gonna forget that…
Steady paces and silly jokes
Oh, how I miss that moment
But fucking me…
Lips were moving but words not coming out...
I think it's because my time is running out,you know-Muse?

The day ended with sweet talks…
Good night :)

The Longest Time A way

2009-01-12T02:03:00.000-08:00

The longest time away.
Think last time the friends we made.
The longest time away.
Best friend is too cheap to stay.
Of course i'll go with you, not every day i get to.
Of course i'll stay with you, how often.
Pictures tell so much.
They remind me often.
Your voice brings back so much... situations.
Between the money and your every move, acceptance.
Between the money and your every move.
We both know things never change.
We both know static prevails.
Take a seat at your request.
Two years i'm still here.
The longest time away, my friend.
:l

Wednesday

2009-01-07T02:12:00.000-08:00

Meet a part of me that feels like every other day.
It has been seen in pictures and in alleyways.
Can see it through your walls.
Can see it through your fall.
Can see it on your floor, wrongway.
Lift your head up, Wednesday.
It's almost 1:30.
When the walls start falling down you'll be last to be found.
That's allright,
So you can promise me a day.
Not gonna promise nothing anyway.
Say you will,say you will and then you don't.

me me me

2008-12-17T21:25:00.000-08:00

I’m in my 9th year of my compulsory education, so then when adults ask me,

“What are your plan?” and
“What do you want to be when you grown up?”

I, Amirul Hakim, age 15, answer,

“I don’t know” or
“I haven’t decided yet”

The normal path is from a good high school to a good university¬¬ to a good company. Therefore, I’ll just have a normal life. I don’t want to cause trouble for my parents. I don’t want to be a shut-in. So even though it’d be easier to sit at home and play games or be on the computer, I go to school. I don’t want people to call me a freeloader when I grow up, so I’ll have an office job even though I don’t want to.

The one who get ahead in the world are the one who have the highest grades right now. So it’ll all be nothing but an extension of this. It’s a pain-in-the-ass, boring future.

That’s my outlook on life after 15 years being a good kid and going with the flow. Kind of exhausting, I’d say.

Just Some Words

2008-12-17T18:04:00.000-08:00

I’m lost, bored and just spill the stark of words

Letting my hands type as it please without though

Times New Roman it was as my favorite font

Words beginning to fill this book of blank pages

I’ll write when I’m drown

Making no sounds as they look down

Let’s laugh together with all lovely looking clowns

My head is still blank with no picture or words

Making it more blur as I love it so much

They say it’s hurtful but I don’t care such

Writing their names and mine of the flesh of a tree with curves

A moth came to visit me trough my opened window

Something crawl down it’s web, oh, it’s a black widow

I’ve touched their poison and my finger seep

It’s already passed midnight, oh, I better go to sleep.